


if you think no one is feeling what you're feeling, i am

by calthighway



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M, Strangers to Lovers, basically Lola doesn’t like Ben but Callum is you know.. in love after 2 minutes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25516642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calthighway/pseuds/calthighway
Summary: “Going somewhere?”Callum jumps, looks at Ben as if he’s just been caught doing something he shouldn’t, which is just stupid.“Gonna call it an early night,” Callum finally answers.Ben lifts his chin up, eyes Callum up and down. “Cause I’m here?”Callum shakes his head quickly, “course not,” he smiles awkwardly, “don’t even know ya, do I?”
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 7
Kudos: 66





	if you think no one is feeling what you're feeling, i am

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday ni 🎉 x
> 
> thank you ellie for giving me a little beta too you star x

“It’s going to be alright, Lola,” Callum’s half way through a sausage roll when Lola begins to start pacing. “It’s just the rehearsal dinner.”

She looks up at him, her eyes wide. “You ain’t the one getting married, don’t tell me it’s going to be _alright_ when today can’t even go right.”

Callum flicks the crumbs off his jumper before sighing and pulling her in for a hug. “I’m your best friend. Do ya think I’d let _anything_ ruin your big day?”

Lola takes less than a second to think about it before she’s shaking her head and pulling away. “Being stupid aren’t I?”

Callum smiles at her, “never,” kisses her cheek when her shoulders visibly relax.

“Put her down mate,” Lola spins around before rolling eyes and folding her arms across her chest.

Callum looks over at the guy, a wave of arrogance following him into the room and a look in his eyes that makes Callum falter and kind of have to look away because his gaze is too overwhelming so quickly.

Callum licks his lips, a little embarrassed when pastry settles on his tongue from his lips and he hopes whoever this guy is, didn’t see the mess Callum has made.

“Ben,” Lola finally says. “You made it here safe then.”

Then Ben laughs, “don’t sound too disappointed darlin’.”

Lola just ignores him, folding blonde locks behind her ears. “Callum, this is Ben, Jay’s best man.”

Callum clears his throat and extends his hand for Ben to shake, “alright?”

Ben’s hand shake is strong, he holds Callum’s hand longer than necessary before smirking and saying, “I am now.”

Callum doesn’t miss the hard stare from Lola aimed towards Ben, and he feels as if he’s missing something. Callum moves away first, eyes down at the floor.

He knows the tips of his ears are burning, a heat heavy on his neck.

“I don’t want no trouble, ya hear?” Lola points at Ben. “Best behaviour.”

“Alright, Bridezilla, calm down,” Ben holds his hands up in defence before walking over to shove a cocktail sausage in his mouth and turn just enough so Lola doesn’t see him send a wink Callum’s way.

Callum feels himself smile a little back, before catching sight of Lola’s stern face - his smile instantly dropping.

*

It’s Jay’s stag do and they’re in a bar that makes Callum kind of wish he was with Lola, enjoying a spa and then onto somewhere he’s sure wouldn’t be as rowdy as the place they’re in now.

The floor beneath his trainers is sticky, the bar is full of stains, but Jay’s happy and that’s what matters.

He takes a sip of his beer with caution, almost choking on it when Ben walks in with his arms wide for Jay to hug him tight.

Of course he was going to be here, Callum’s not sure why the sight of him has left him feeling weird.

It’s totally fine. He can’t be all that bad if Jay wants him to be his best man.

He also can’t forget the way Lola was with him, the way she looked at him like a mother would at their misbehaving child.

He keeps it civilised, talking and nodding in all the right places.

When they move onto another bar, Callum plans on heading home. He’s not sure he can stomach another bar that should be closed down because of bad hygiene.

“Going somewhere?”

Callum _jumps_ , looks at Ben as if he’s just been caught doing something he shouldn’t, which is just _stupid_.

“Gonna call it an early night,” Callum finally answers.

Ben lifts his chin up, eyes Callum up and down. “Cause I’m here?”

Callum shakes his head quickly, “course not,” he smiles awkwardly, “don’t even know ya, do I?”

“Let me buy ya a drink then?” Ben nods behind to Jay and the others queuing to enter the bar. “I’ll need someone to help me take Jay home at the end of the night. Lola will blame me if anything happens to him, and I don’t fancy getting a black eye just before the wedding photos.”

Callum laughs, “she has got a good right hook.”

Ben grimaces, “don’t remind me, mate.” He heads off to the others, “come on handsome.”

_Come on handsome._

Things blur out until Callum can feel his phone going off in his pocket:

**Lola 21:10**

_Everyone behaving? x_

‘Everyone’ meaning Ben. Callum looks up, Ben’s eyes on him and Callum realises he can’t say no.

Or maybe he just doesn’t want to.

**Callum 21:13**

_Course xx_

He joins Ben and the others.

*

They spend the night in a hotel. All of them a little too intoxicated to make it any further than a hotel in town.

Jay blames Ben. Ben blames Jay. Callum watches the way they bicker before Jay’s shoving him and then pulling him back into a hug.

They all grumble over breakfast. Too many loud noises apparently.

And then Ben’s aiming his complaints towards Callum, “do ya have to wear such bright clothing?”

Callum looks down at his yellow jumper, feeling slightly offended and huffing out a laugh. “It ain’t my fault ya can’t handle your drink, mate.”

“I can!” Ben groans, his fingers against his temple. “Alright, maybe I should have stopped when you did.”

“We can’t all be as wise as me,” Callum grins.

Ben looks at him, looks at the way he smiles and Callum’s half expecting something witty or smarmy back, but Ben just bites his tongue, looking away reluctantly. “Apparently so,” Ben settles on, scratching at his eyebrow before excusing himself from the table.

Callum’s left feeling flat.

*

“He really ain’t that bad,” Callum says to Lola, sitting down next to her with a bowl of popcorn to share as they settle for their regular film night together.

“You didn’t know him growing up,” Lola replies. “He’s- he’s trouble.”

“Well Jay thinks he’s great. They’re clearly good friends.”

Lola sighs, “yeah. They’re like brothers. It’s just, wherever Ben goes, trouble isn’t far behind him. It happens all the time with him. He just can’t seem to settle, ya know?”

“He’s still young,” Callum defends. “I haven’t settled yet either.”

“I know that,” Lola gets the remote to search for a film. “You don’t go around getting into all sorts of trouble though, do ya? That’s the difference between you and him.”

Callum just licks his lips and leaves it there for now. They find a rom-com to watch and Callum finds his mind wandering off to things that aren’t about the film on the screen.

His thoughts are about Ben and it’s safe to say, his own are not the same as his best friend’s.

*

It’s a week before the wedding and Lola’s nerves are worse than ever. Jay tries to calm her, Callum does too. It seems nothing said will help.

Callum somehow thinks cooking a meal for them all would be nice - take Lola’s mind off things for a while.

Jay invites Ben along without thinking to ask if it’s ok, because it is, for Callum anyway.

Lola looks on with distaste, but stays quiet because she sees what Callum saw on the stag night - Ben’s relationship with Jay is important.

Only thing is, that’s nothing new to Lola. She knew Ben before Callum did, she knew enough to warn Callum about Ben.

Callum wishes he didn’t feel like a bad person - _friend-_ for not seeing the bad in Ben. He watches the way he is with Jay whilst he’s in the kitchen and a feeling grows inside his belly that he isn’t sure about, but it makes him smile fondly.

Makes him wish he knew Ben first.

*

Ben looks in no hurry to move when Callum kisses and hugs Lola and Jay goodbye.

The night went well, Lola had relaxed, even laughed once or twice at Ben before remembering she doesn’t like him all that much and making the motion towards him that she’s keeping an eye on him, Ben just smirking and blowing a kiss back.

“Chicken pasta your specialty, is it?” Ben asks once they’ve left.

Callum licks his lips, starting to clear the table. “Maybe.” Ben doesn’t say anything after, just watches Callum closely. “What?” Callum mumbles, feeling the blush on his cheeks.

“Lola’s warned ya about me, hasn’t she?”

“Not exactly,” Callum shakes his head. “Just said you’re - you’re trouble.”

Ben nods a little, wiping a thumb over the corner of his mouth. “What do you think of me?”

Callum ponders the question for a moment before shrugging and saying, “doesn’t really matter what I think, does it?”

“Wouldn’t have asked if it didn’t,” Ben bites his lip.

Callum runs the hot water into the sink, realises his breathing’s become heavier as Ben moves and makes his way into the kitchen along side Callum. “Well?” Ben pushes.

“Why ya so bothered about me and what I think?” Callum almost snaps, a shift in the mood around them making it harder to breathe.

“Why’d ya think?” Ben hums, but it’s said quietly, almost in fear of being heard from someone else or maybe because he’s not sure how Callum will react.

Callum struggles to say or do much after that. A little confused by what Ben means.

Even more so when Ben tells Callum he’s sorry for saying anything and to forget it and then bolting out the door.

*

The wedding goes perfectly and Lola cries happily into Callum’s shoulder. “Love you,” she tells him and Callum beams down at her, wiping her tears away gently.

“Love you more,” he tells her confidently and proudly.

Callum looks on as Lola and Jay have their first dance and he downs his drink quickly to hopefully stop the tears he can feel coming.

“Just in time,” Ben places a fresh drink in front of Callum and takes a seat next to him. “Beautiful, wasn’t it?”

Callum just nods, not really up for talking to him after their last encounter.

“Sorry about last week,” Ben says after a long silence. “I shouldn’t have said-“

“Why not?” Callum interrupts.

“Not really my place, was it?” Ben searches Callum’s face for _something_.

“What _is_ your place, Ben?” Callum turns to him. “Ya come back here just to mess with someone’s head before you up and leave? Is that it?”

“I’m not - I ain’t-“

“You _are,”_ Callum huffs, fed up. “I hardly know you and you are messing me around.” He takes a sip of his drink before getting up. “I see what Lola meant now.”

“Callum, wait!”

He doesn’t.

*

There’s a park close by and Callum sits on the top of a bench. Just listens to the party still going close by and he’s never felt so alone.

His best friend has all that she’s ever wanted and Callum’s _so_ happy for her, but today’s awoken many things Callum would rather ignore.

“I ain’t as fit as I look, can ya not run away from me without at least a warning?”

Callum just sighs, “what do ya want?”

He sees Ben shrugging, then he comes to sit next to Callum on the bench making their knees knock briefly. “Same thing you do, I think.”

Calum just scoffs, “what would that be?”

“What we just witnessed today,” Ben looks towards the reception. “Real and proper love.”

Callum would like to deny it, but his heart tells him otherwise. He stays quiet.

“I’m leaving tomorrow and I don’t want to,” Ben scratches the back of his head. “I think I’ve found something to stay for, I just need to hear it.”

Callum feels something uncomfortable build up inside him, _Ben is leaving tomorrow_.

Callum turns to see Ben already looking at him, stars in his eyes and Callum breathes him in until there’s no distance between them and Ben’s lips find Callum’s.

A chaste kiss that makes Ben smile, Callum’s hands coming up to cup his face and kiss him once more with more purpose.

Ben might not have heard it, but his body settles into Callum’s like a jigsaw piece and it’s just as beautiful.


End file.
